As a native English speaker and teacher living in Spain I am often told that we English speakers say ¨please¨ and ¨thank you¨ too much. I answer by saying that it is better to say these things too much than not at all. I often point out that I find it so disappointing and frankly,maddening, when I hear how children usually make requests here in Spain. The ¨requests¨ can often begin with an ¨Oye¨ ,which means ¨hey¨. This ¨hey¨is normally accompanied by a very loud or even screechy voice. This alone instantaneously makes my skin crawl because my name is not ¨hey¨and I hate shouting. (If you don´t respond immediately, the voice just gets louder) .The ¨hey¨is usually followed by the phrase ¨I want ……¨ And that is that. The other way children make known that they want something is by making statements. For example, Paco does not have a pencil so he comes up to me and says, ¨I don´t have a pencil¨and he will expect me to give it to him. Conversation over. When I give people these examples of what I can only call blatant rudeness, I am often told that these are cultural differences. That is where I draw the line. No!! That is not possible because I married a Spanish man and he does not speak this way nor does his family or do his friends. It seems to me that the generation of adults having children today have lost sight of the importance of good manners. I am not saying all of them, but yes, many. I work in a school that is focused on the children learning English as well as Spanish. Parents have this dream of their children becoming bilingual (though most don´t know much English or have any real desire to learn it themselves) and spend a good amount of money for this to be achieved. They want their children to be well rounded and ready for the future that awaits them. But unfortunately, good manners seem to be disregarded as a means of educating a person fully. I do what I can to teach the children that politeness and kindness is fundamental in my classroom. One day I asked my students, who are only 6 and 7, ¨Which is more important, learning English or learning how to be a good and kind person?¨The students answered that English is more important. I told them that although English is important, being a good and kind person is more important because no matter what language you speak, if you are cruel, rude or unkind, nobody will want to be your friend. The students were shocked that I told them that but it made a difference in their attitude towards each other. The trend is for children to learn so much and yes, their opportunities have increased in many ways, but since when did good manners become unnecessary?
June 28, 2015 at 12:15 pm
Keep up the good work! That’s a valuable lesson for those of us influencing children everywhere.
June 28, 2015 at 12:46 pm
Thanks a million Sadie It is so nice to read that! xxxxxxxxx
June 28, 2015 at 12:16 pm
This is really interesting that you should write this, as, I have had numerous experiences where I have found Spanish teenagers and tourists extremely rude, but I put this down to as you say ‘cultural differences’. They conduct extremely loud conversations on the metro, shouting across people who are trying to read (usually books! YES they do still exist ad are alive and kicking in Paris), which I just thought was normal for them in their country, so accept this. But other examples have been on a guided tour, where information was given in French, English, German and Spanish – all the other nationals were quiet whilst the guide spoke in the other languages, except the Spaniards, who listened to the Spanish they didn’t give two hoots if the rest of us could hear or not, but the worse was the total lack of respect in religious places (which shocked and surprised me) notably in the wondrous ‘Saint Chapel’ where silence is requested to allow visitors to appreciate the very special atmosphere and respect that this is a place of worship where they blatantly talked, laughed, took (forbidden) photographs and just spoilt what should have been a very spiritual experience. On all occasions I have given them the benefit of the doubt, but tis has thrown a different light on things. Thanks for posting.
June 28, 2015 at 12:45 pm
Thanks so much for your comment. Unfortunately, everything you described is completely normal here in Spain. Honetly, I can´t stand the hollering either! I often tell my students, ¨Why are you shouting at me? I am right next to you! Use a simple indoor voice when you want me to listen to you.¨ They always appear shocked because nobody ever tells them that. You are right in giving people the benefit of the doubt but I am sorry to say that the rudeness you are describing is often the norm. I know that patience is a virtue but it is sometimes hard to practice haha 🙂
June 29, 2015 at 2:08 pm
Thanks so much for the post, it is well appreciated, even here in stodgy old New England, USA! I always associated ‘yelling’ with people from “the city” (NYC) or perhaps it’s immediate suburbs. But I see, hear and witness ‘demanding’ youth more and more everyday. I think your most key point here about being ‘good and kind’ and that being a revelation for these children speaks volumes and reaches far beyond Spain’s youth. I think many children, in fact all ages, are really so unaware much their behavior can affect their own and the greater world. Whether the question is about having friends or making the world a better place, it really can and does begin with individuals small acts of kindness, small steps in sharing and small group movements. Brava! for making a difference in their lives!
June 29, 2015 at 7:07 pm
Thank you so much. I agree with you. So many parents don’t bother to teach their kids these things because it is hard, don’t have the time or even think it is not so important because they are not “academic”. At the end of the day though, educating the heart counts for just as much as educating the mind. Thanks for reading 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
June 29, 2015 at 4:04 pm
It is first taught in the home (and they’re obviously not being taught)…so you can only do what you can to instill it with the young ones at your school. Keep up your good influence! Even if only one learns to be more polite and kind you are doing good. 🙂
June 29, 2015 at 7:01 pm
Thank you, Linda. You really rock 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
June 29, 2015 at 7:02 pm
LOL – just raised my four boys to be gentlemen! 🙂
June 29, 2015 at 7:08 pm
Three cheers for a mom who rocks! Seriously? 4? Wow you must be a saint hahahaha!
June 29, 2015 at 7:14 pm
Lots of testosterone in this house! Two have graduated college and now have careers, one is headed to his second year in September and one will graduate high school next June…Here’s looking forward to the next step (empty nest syndrome!) Haha 🙂
June 29, 2015 at 7:28 pm
Wow that IS impressive! You must be so proud of them!! The next step will have its positive side too..like less laundry for example! 😂
June 29, 2015 at 7:29 pm
Too True!
January 1, 2016 at 5:00 am
Wow! This is great! Thank you so much! I will check it out! Happy new year! 😘😘😘