I hate male bashing. A friend of mine posted this on her Facebook and asked me why I did not like it. She said, ¨Oh come on! Lighten up! It is meant to be funny! Men are annoying!¨ I told her that women are just as annoying as men can be and that posts like these are unfair. She said that although my point was true, the truth is that men are not as sensitive and caring as women are. That is when I immediately came to the defense of men.
I should backtrack a little bit and explain a little bit of my background. I have endometriosis. What is that? Well, without going into too much detail, it involves difficult periods and can cause difficulty in conceiving. I discovered that I had endometriosis about three years ago. After experiencing severe pains, I learned that I had a cyst the size of an orange in my body (not cancerous) three years ago. That cyst had grown over a long period of time and had destroyed about 60 percent of one of my ovaries. I had a successful surgery and as of now, I no longer have any cysts that are growing. I have two tiny ones that are quite inactive. I have written a very brief account of the matter, but it was, and continues to be, a difficult situation for me. I would sincerely love to have children but there is the possibility that I will not.
I got married three years ago and I am 40 years old. I live in Spain and work as an English teacher in a religious school. What does that mean? I get the comments (primarily from women) saying, ¨So, when is the baby coming?¨ or if my tummy is sticking out more than usual, I get, ¨When is the baby due?” Then I just have to put on my best smile, even though I want to seriously slap somebody, give a brief reply and walk away. There is this idea that as soon as one gets married, one should get pregnant. I honestly find that an archaic and often impractical thing. What if we could not afford to have a child right now? What if soon after being married, we just wanted to enjoy being just a couple? No couple should feel the need to explain their private life.I also want to remind people that women´s bodies are not vending machines where you throw in your change and get your desired product. Not long ago, a woman slapped my husband on the arm and told him¨, ¨How about that baby eh? You two are running out of time!¨ That hurt like hell. So much for sensitive and caring.
Another moment that comes to mind is when I was not getting pregnant and a family member (a female of course) said to my husband and I, ¨Well, are you two doing it right?¨ I kid you not. I was too polite to sarcastically ask, ¨Are you planning to give us a demonstration?¨
I was visiting my mother not long ago and we went into a flower shop that she and I use to to go to a lot. A Young woman working there said, ¨Oh! Are you pregnant?¨I shook my head and said ¨no¨putting on my best possible grin that said ¨No, now kindly please shut up¨, but she continued by saying, ¨I just figured you were since you are fatter than the last time I saw you.¨ What a generous use of words to use the comparative of the word, ¨fat¨. I stopped grinning and told my mom that we were leaving. I confess had a good cry after that. I returned home and told my husband about it. He told me not to worry, that I am beautiful and perfect the way I am. Not fat. Not fatter. Not defected.
I remember when I was single, I would often get the question, ¨How come you don´t have a boyfriend? or ¨Why are you not married yet?¨ Men never asked me that, of course. Women did. I am not referring to older women, I am referring to women my age or younger. I simply said that I had not yet met him and that I would prefer to be single and happy than to be with someone just to say I had someone. I don´t believe in wasting my time and my worth does not come from being associated with a man. I lived for several years on my own with no boyfriend. It was a wonderful time.
There are other examples but I do not need to detail them. When I explained these examples to my friend she I understood my point of view better and was quite shocked. Men, in my experiences these days, never make me feel like there is something wrong with me. It is generally women. This is not to say that there are not great female friends in my life. Fortunately, there are a few. I think the important thing to know here is that everyone can cause hurt and be insensitive, It is also important not to let other people´s insensitivity affect you too much. That is not easy.
If there are any gentleman reading this, I am sorry that you guys are stereotyped. The stereotypes that you are all insensitive or ignorant fools are completely unfair. Human beings can be insensitive or unkind, not just men. I know that there are plenty of good men out there who have women in their lives that would be the first to praise the kind of people they are. I am referring to husbands, fathers, brothers, boyfriends, uncles, sons, grandfathers and friends. All men. And these men do not cause problems in women’s lives. They just make life sweeter.
August 24, 2015 at 9:53 pm
So sad but so true! I have 5 amazing sons so I agree totally! Sorry for your troubles! hugs from me! Women should embrace women and help and support which is usually not how it goes.
August 24, 2015 at 9:59 pm
Thanks a lot. Thank God my troubles arenot so big but they seem worse in situations like these. You are right. Support is not always found among women. I just really get irritated when women start criticising men! They have faults but who doesn’t? Cheers to great men like your sons! 🍻🍷👍😉
August 24, 2015 at 10:02 pm
Such an inspiring post ! And it’s true that sometimes women make life miserable for other women , instead of understanding them ! It’s strange but true! Hugs to you xo
August 24, 2015 at 10:08 pm
Thank you so much Freda! 😘😘😘😘❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
August 25, 2015 at 12:03 am
I totally agree with this, all of it! First of all let me say how sorry I am about the fact you may never have children, it’s one thing making the conscious choice not to become a mother, and another having that choice taken out of your hands – I do hope it happens for you, I really do! ❤
AS for the rest, I cannot stand male bashing either. Like you, I tend to get on better with men simply because there's never any drama, whereas I've lost count of the ridiculous situations I've found myself in because of other women's pointless bitching. Women can be so rude, and they can do so without so much as raising their voices or say anything thats "outwardly" nasty. As for the people asking you "why haven't you produced a child yet, why are you single, you're fatter than the last time I saw you, are you pregnant?"…those people should mind their own business! You are totally right when you say it's better being single than in an unhappy relationship! I was always fussy too and refused to settle for just anyone. And there is no reason on earth that you should have children just because you're married, what is this, the dark ages? Oh dear, I'd better stop here, this feels too much like a rant. All I'll say is: rock on sister and never mind everyone else!!
August 25, 2015 at 9:56 am
I knew you would understand this and agree with me! Thank you so much fir your kind wishes for me. If it is meant to be, it will be. Like you say, women can have a technique of being rude without even appearing that way. I work in an environment that is very different from my background. The majority of women started dating their husbands at 14 or so, got married at 23 and got to work with having kids or are getting to work having kids. I can’t relate to that at all. My father would not have even permitted me to date so young! And marriage at 23? It works for many but at 23 I was in university and working hard. I was not keen on getting into a relationship. After university I thought of starting work but it was my brilliant father who told me that work comes soon enough. I should embrace liberty and travel. Learn new things and open my mind. I am grateful for his advice. Many women I know think it is odd to say that marriage did not interest me until I met my husband. I just tell them that every person has a different path in life! I have a Catholic background and work in a Catholic school hwre in Madrid and this is the first tine ib my lufe I have encountered such an ar haic point of view towards women, marriage and children. I am glad my parents did not raise me to think this way. You did not rant. I loved your response. Nobody has ever told me to “rock on” before and I feel great! 😍😂😍😂😍😂😘😙😍😂🍷🍷🍷Thank you so much Nathalie xxxxx
August 25, 2015 at 11:19 am
Love your take on this. Frankly I thought it’s our eastern society where women have nothing constructive to do and they ask such insensitive questions but your post is a whole new angle for me.
August 25, 2015 at 12:07 pm
Thank you! It seems that ignorance and insensitivity is everywhere! 😙😙😙😙
August 25, 2015 at 12:27 pm
Natascha, I’m sorry for your experiences. People can be cruel. It’s one thing to ignorantly ask about having children. It’s another thing to continue by saying you look “fat”! Honestly, what is the matter with some people! I suffer with PCOS and it took us 5 years to have our first son, and four years later to have our daughter. (After difficult medical events…) People to this day say things like “They’re so far apart in age…” as if we had any control and what a stupid judgement right! Life has enough challenges without us hurting each other by being so foolish. I now have 3 sons, a loving husband and wonderful dad, thank you for defense on their behalf:)
August 25, 2015 at 12:59 pm
Thank you for sharing your experience! It is so good to know that other women have similar experiences. Those commentaries hurt a lot. I mean, so your children have an age difference. So what? There are women who have children in quick succession and they get comments like, “You should slow down”. We don’t need to explain our private lives and people need to learn tact. It is a pleasure to defend good men. Like you say, it is a privelige to have them in our lives! Thank you again. Your comment meant a lot 😊😙😙😙😙❤❤❤❤
August 25, 2015 at 1:00 pm
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August 25, 2015 at 1:05 pm
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August 25, 2015 at 1:26 pm
I think that some of us males deserve the image associated with us. But, there are plenty of us that are normal and loving humans. I suspect that is the same of females, too. Maybe it’s just trendy to bash guys these days? It was a great post, Natascha, and I loved reading it.
Rob
August 25, 2015 at 1:52 pm
Thanks a million, Rob! I hate that male bashing trend! We all have our faults and none of us are perfect. 😙👍👍😙👍😙👍
August 29, 2015 at 1:53 pm
I’m so sorry you had to go through that and want to apologize for all women, IGNORE THEM, lol. You’re right, I don’t have many women that I have as friends, AT ALL! ! They can be competitive, back stabbing, and just plain obnoxious. Haha. I easier befriend men, and NO I’M HAPPILY MARRIED, lol. They just seem the opposite of everything women are, kind, defensive of you, non judgemental. I used to be alot bigger than what I am now before I started cooking better and had ugly comments about myself, lazy, fat, trashy,etc. Now that I lay all my weight, I’m anorexic, on drugs, etc. Seems you can never please people. So PLEASE YOURSELF. By the way, I’m none of those things lol. Focus on the ones that are truly there for YOU
August 30, 2015 at 1:33 pm
Thank you so much! I agree with you. Men can be so much easier to get on with. And like you, I am happily married. Your weight experience is just another example of how mean women can be. Like you say, you have to please yourself and do your best to ignore these people. Sometimes what surprises me is how the comments originate. I mean, don´t people think before they speak? There are some women that I work with that are ten years younger than I am but look older than I do. It would never occur to me to say something nasty like, ¨What a shame that you look so ancient!¨ The fact is how she looks is really none of my business and feelings can be hurt. And it is not my place to say anything or to offer my opinion on the matter.Stephy, I know you are none of the things that those silly women have called you. You are lovely and comments like that stem from jealousy. thank you for your encouraging words. You rock, my friend xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
September 1, 2015 at 12:19 pm
Good morning luv, yes, what you say makes complete sense. The world we live in can be so sad at times. People seem so different than when I was growing up. I honestly feel end times are drawing very close. The fact is, honestly, there are many times when I see someone I feel is less in the eyes of everyone else, THAT’S the one I draw to. I will uplift them. Have been that way since I was little. If I would see someone of the playground by themselves, I would go to them and befriend them. People aren’t like that enough and is sad. I guess it’s just the mother hen that has always been in me from birth lol. You got us and we are here for you. Huge hugs and many many blessings my dear friend. 😉😘😘❤❤❤💙💚💛💜
September 1, 2015 at 12:21 pm
Thank you Stephy! You made my day xx😘😘😘😘😘😍😍😍😍
August 29, 2015 at 7:39 pm
I am in awe of this lovely and honest post! The line that said human beings are selfish and mean, not a gender, is very very true! You have penned your thoughts very well and these thoughts need to be shared by the world which is going dumber everyday.
You are wonderful, indeed. 🙂
August 30, 2015 at 12:58 pm
Thank YOU so much for your kind words! I am not so wonderful..I am just grateful to have people around me as well as great blogger friends, who help me see what the truth really is. All the best and thank you again xxxxx
August 30, 2015 at 12:45 pm
Well put Natascha – I would have responded sooner, but I have been in Italy (where all the women have normal figures with stomachs and hips and bums and are beautiful!)
What awful women you have come across – I am glad to say that none of my friends would ever be so insensitive, but I like you HATE these ridiculous posts on facebook and I only use it to share photos with my family in friends that I am far from. (I equally hate the posts that say ‘like’ if you hate cancer/love your daughter/miss your deceased father – as we need approval from face book to feel these emotions!)
Men can be frustrating to women, as we can beto men – we are DIFFERENT! That is how God made us.
May I suggest that the person in question who finds a lesbian lover, that way she will not have to put up with men….
I sympathise with your condition – I have four close friends all who have suffered with this, two of whom has been lucky enough to have babies (one has a lovely little girl the other a girl and boy) The other two, not so fortunate and one, a friend of my daughters in now in early menopause aged 28 – very sad.
You sound as if you have a lovely man – and a lovely life and from speaking with you on here I know that you are a lovely person – wonderful post and voicing, what many of us have thought. Love to you and yours. Lindy xxx
August 30, 2015 at 1:19 pm
I agree with you_! Men and women are different. We are not meant to be the same. We would probable get on better if we would just celebrate the differences rather tan act like there weren´t any! thank you for shatring your experiences with your friends. Menopause at 28 must be so painful. Having children does not define you as a woman but to have that opportunity closed to you through no fault of your own is heartbreaking. You are right that I am so lucky. My husband supports me 100 percent and never makes me feel like I have disappointed him somehow. Some men would do that. In fact, he is full of hope and is positive no matter what. He says that he is happy either way. I can´t tell you how much that helps.
Thank you for your supportive and kind words. They mean a lot. If I am a lovely person then it is because I have lots of love in my life. To get kindness so much kindness from my blogger friends is a wonderful and unexpected surprise.
Sending a big hug and kiss from Madrid. xxxx Natascha
August 30, 2015 at 2:03 pm
Me too – I have been surprised by the genuine interest and support of tis wonderful little community that we are creating, not at all what I expected, without wanting to make a sweeping statement – Bloggers seem very nice people – whatever their gender, religion, ethnic origin or sexuality – there seems to be a common desire to share and learn amongst us all.xxx
August 30, 2015 at 3:01 pm
It has been a really pleasant surprise for me too. Meeting people like you has been just lovely 😘😘😘😘😘😘
November 12, 2015 at 8:04 pm
Great post. It’s often women who cause problems for women (and themselves)!! I am very sorry about your challenges. Acupuncture can be phenomenal for conception, under the hands of a skillful practitioner.
November 12, 2015 at 8:10 pm
Thanks so much. Challenges are a part of life but really, they are made worse by the ignorance of others! I appreciate your tip. I will keep that in mind! All the best to you and thank you again xxxxx